Surprise - An Actual Update!

Okay - I got the message loud and clear - people are demanding a blog update. Don't think I haven't thought about it. I have composed hundreds of entries in my head - some funny - some heartfelt...even tried to type a few of them but something always got in the way. Kennedy needing my attention, our computer going off-line, etc., etc. Well now that I am out of excuses and Kennedy is sound asleep upstairs (oops, need to turn on the baby monitor!) I thought this was a good time to catch everyone up on our family. Here goes...

We arrived smoothly in Guatemala on Friday, April 18, 2008. We got to our hotel and there was already a message for us waiting from our attorney, Paco. We got settled into our apartment style hotel suite and I took the opportunity to get a shower and freshen up. After we were there for only a few short hours (guess who is awake and screaming...see I don't make this stuff up - wait, all is quiet again...false alarm.) we went down stairs to meet Paco and the Foster Mom...and Kennedy. Just remembering those feelings makes me cry. I was so excited and couldn't wait for Brit to meet Kennedy and my mom and Brit's mom were both there with us. We sat in the hotel lobby just waiting. Every time we heard someone entering the hotel I would stand up in anticipation. Finally, Paco arrived...but no Kennedy. "She'll be here soon," he promised. We went over some documents at my request, but he knew I wasn't in the right state of mind to focus on paper work. About 15 minutes later, the Foster Mom and Kennedy arrived. I of course started crying and jumped up to great her. I said hello to Kennedy first and told her how much I missed her. I hugged Foster Mom and just kept saying "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!" I scooped up Kennedy and introduced her to her father. I left him hold her right away - I knew from experience that holding her for the first time was all you imagined it would be and more. We hugged Foster Mom and thanked her again. She did not speak any English, but we both looked at each other and just knew what our hearts were feeling. I could only imagine how difficult this would be for her. She reached up to Kennedy as Brit was holding her, but her hand behind her head to hold it, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and turned away and left just as quickly has she arrived. I think she was over come with emotion and needed a quick exit. Paco told us previously that Foster Mom (isn't that terrible, I don't even know her name) would return with Paco on Sunday when we were going to meet to go over documents. She never returned, we never saw her again - but I will never forget her and will always be grateful for her time spent raising Kennedy. After a few short photos we retired up to our room and all took turns holding Kennedy. We cried together, laughed together, and most importantly, made Kennedy smile. I don't recall one moment that she was ever "strange" with us. We all just wanted to jump on a plane and go home right away! We had what we came for and we couldn't wait to introduce her to the rest of the family. That night she slept in a pack in play beside our bed. She didn't wake up once. I however, kept waking up to check on her...and just to watch her sleep. By the next day Kennedy "left her hair down" and we were introduced to her squeals of glee. She hits this high pitch note that I, a trained Soprano 1 singer, could never touch! We spent a day shopping in Antigua and Monday was our embassy appointment - it went smoothly. That night we went back to Antigua to have dinner with Gary and Ellora who we met during our February visit trip. We got to spend time sharing our adventure with them and visit with their three precious little one, Julia, Leo, and Lorenzo. During our trip, we went shopping in Guatemala City and traveled over to the Westin to meet other mom's and babies from Carol's adoption group who were picking up their little bundles of joy too! We picked up Kennedy's VISA on Tuesday (after 3PM) so we left Wednesday afternoon to return home. Kennedy did awesome on the flight. As we were walking through the airport in Charlotte, we were pushing her in an umbrella stroller. So many people stopped us to say, "I thought that was a baby doll you were pushing!" My internal response was...what 30-something year-old couple would push a fake baby through an airport?!?!? I didn't realize just how often we would hear that phrase. ANY TIME we are in public, we are bound to hear, "She looks just like a baby doll!" and "Look at all that hair!".

We arrived in Harrisburg just before Midnight. Brit carried Kennedy off the plane. We were seated in the back, so we were one of the last ones off. As we walked down the corridor, I was again filled with anticipation. I knew my Mamma, sister-in-law Alicia, and stepfather Mike were going to be waiting for us. As we turned the corner, there they were, standing with balloons and a "Welcome Home Kennedy" sign. I dreamed and prayed for this moment, and just started crying with joy. Mamma held her, then Alicia held her and carried her to baggage claim.

We got home pretty late. As we were approaching our house I saw this light. Immediately I thought..oh my goodness, someone wrecked into our front light post and knocked it over. Then as we got closer I realized it was a spot light shining on a yard full of pink flamingos. Our front porch was covered in streamer and a big "Welcome Home Kennedy" sign was on our front door. I cried again that night as I put Kennedy to sleep in her crib. There were many tears shed in her room along this journey. All of those tears were leading up to this moment, putting my daughter to sleep in her room, in our home, words can't describe how GOOD that felt.

Well, it is Midnight and Brit is home from work. I promise to add some photos and fill you in on our Welcome Home Party/Baby Shower, Kennedy's baptism, our trip to Myrtle Beach, and our new life as a family.

Who can focus on work?

How can I focus on anything other than "Kennedy is coming home!". I have this list of things constantly running through my head. I started keeping a notepad with me at all times so when I think of something to take along to Guatemala, I jot it down so I don't forget. I think we are set with all of Kennedy's things be packed. I can't forget to get the stroller out of the car.....see another item for my list! I have pretty much planned out my wardrobe in my head, but I haven't actually packed anything for me yet. And so it begins...life where others needs will always come before mine.

Brit and I went to celebrate Kennedy's homecoming on Saturday night at Casa Sanchez, a Mexican restaurant in Selinsgrove. It is not quite Guatemala, but - hey - they border Guatemala! We had a nice time and ran into my second cousin and her soon to be husband. It was nice seeing them in person again and being able to share well wishes with one another.

On Sunday we had an interesting "invitation making" session at my house. Printing off invites for Kennedy's home coming party/baby shower. My mom, aunt Trudy, Mama, and I had fun trying to assemble the invites. Some how we got it all taken care of. Now we just need to get everyone's addresses to actually send them out!

Well, today is Monday. This means I only have three more days until we are with Kennedy forever! (Or as Brit puts it, "Three days and a wake up.") On any given week, Fridays can never seem to get here fast enough. This week, I want it to come at warp speed!

My Water Broke!

I could smell PINK…it was in the air. We finally got a response to an email today. The embassy confirmed that they received everything and that I should get an email within the next two days telling us we are PINK. Brit and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up items to make for supper. A s we walked right into the bakery section it was PINK-A-PA-LOOZA! They had all of these cakes, cookies, cup cakes, etc. decorated in PINK icing. I looked at Brit and said, "This is a sign from God. We are getting one of those cakes!" When we got home, Brit called the Embassy. The woman he spoke with confirmed what the email had told us. She said they are currently scheduling appointments for4/21/08. We then both felt a little relief and finished making supper. It was a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l day today so we decided to make beef shish-ka-bobs on the grill. After we were finished eating, I checked me email again. I yelled for Brit who was still in the kitchen…we got something! There is was…our “PINK” email had arrived! It is called a “Pink Slip” because before they started emailing you with an appointment date, they would give the information to your attorney on a bright pink piece of paper.

We immediately started calling everyone to share our news! Our appointment is 4/21/08. We are making travel arrangements and will be arriving in Guatemala City on 4/18 and will be returning home 4/23. This week was so difficult. I cried so much waiting for this email to arrive. After all, we thought we would have received this email on Monday - at the latest! When I was talking with my cousin Heidi she asked, “So did you just burst into tears when you got the email?” At first I couldn’t remember and then I said, “No. I was just so happy I started smiling and laughing!” I was just “cried out” from the emotionally exhausting week. Mamma stopped in and we grabbed a bottle of champagne out of the fridge and had a toast to Kennedy Marguerite. Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner somewhere to celebrate!

Thank you all for your prayers and support. As always, we NEVER could have gotten through this without you!

I’m Going Nucking Futs!

I feel like I am trapped in some type of Adoption Purgatory. Caught between two worlds – adoption in process and home forever! Am I being punished for something? I did want to learn more Spanish before our pick up trip. Hablo Espanol! Hablo Espanol! I am screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me.

I have emailed the embassy twice at two different email addresses and…nothing. When I press the “send” button I actually think I hear crickets chirping in the background. (You know…like on cartoons.) Do they even have crickets in Guatemala?

Many people have been offering us parenting advice. A lot have said, “Just wait, she’ll test your patience even more when you get her home.” Maybe that is why we are going through this now. Kennedy is preparing us for these future dialogues:
“But the puppy likes to eat it.”
“That is what all the other girls are wearing.”
“He is only two years older then I am.”
“But you have a tattoo!”

Hmm…come to think of it. Maybe this is the easy part. Brit is being more productive then I am. He is calling both of our Senators’ offices. The lab that processes the DNA results is also sending another copy of the results to the Embassy. Let’s hope today is the day we get out of the Adoption Purgatory!

I am on the ledge...

The Internet is not all that it is cracked up to be. I did a little searching and found on one adoption sight a few families that had 2nd DNA taken a day after ours and they already have their embassy appointment. I know I should be happy for them, their babies will be home forever next week. I just can't help but feel sorry for myself, Brit, and Kennedy. Why is this part of the process taking so long? It just feels like it is never going to happen. I am in a funk. I am just not myself. I feel so withdrawn and distant. I just spoke with Brit on the phone. I didn't even feel like talking...I just wanted to hear his voice. Will our PINK ever come?!?!?!?!?

Still Waiting...

We are still waiting on word about our embassy appointment. I really hope I find out today. I really started getting anxious last Thursday. I have an obsession with my email...I have to check it all the time. I try to wait an hour before I check it again, but I am rarely able to wait that long.

We received the lab results in the mail on Saturday. We were in Pittsburgh, so we didn't actually open them until we returned on Sunday. When Brit went for the mail, he came in and said, "We got something from Lab Corp". "Open them quick", I exclaimed. "There will be a photo of Kennedy inside!" Sure enough, there was a Polaroid of Kennedy from the day they took the DNA test (3/24/08). "Oh my goodness...look at that hair," I giggled. To my amazement, she has even more hair. It was pulled up on top of her head in two pigtails. She was sitting up on an exam table with her foster mother holding onto her little hand to support/stabilize her. She is wearing one of the little outfits we had sent down previously.

I looked up into Brit's eyes and we were both renewed with excitement. We will find out this week when she is coming home.....maybe even yet today! I need a date soon, or I am going to go mad.

I need to share that a dear friend, an advocate for children, and a champion of their education passed away on Saturday, April 5, 2008. Dixie Hunter, who I served on the Juniata County School Board with, lost her battle with lung cancer. She was someone I looked up to and was a true mentor to me. We met when I was only 24 years old. She taught me so much. She will be missed by so many. Please keep her family in your prayers. She leaves behind a husband, sisters, and parents who loved her dearly.

Waiting for PINK!

We are hoping to be PINK by the end of the week! We received word from Carol on Monday evening that the results from our second DNA test were a positive match. Just waiting for the Embassy to send us an email regarding our appointment date. I am really, really hoping it is the week of April 14th! I can't wait much longer! All I can think about is checking my email, and I do that CONSTANTLY!

The Seigler side of the family had a baby shower for me on Sunday. We received some wonderful gifts and now our entire home (not just Kennedy's nursery) is ready for her arrival. Brit spent two hours putting the Exer Saucer together. I told him, "This is what Christmas will be like from now on."

We are ORANGE!

On the way home from work, my cell phone rang. It was Carol! I took a deep breath as I answered the phone and hoped for good news......."I just found out we have second DNA authorization," she said. "Yeay!" I exclaimed! "Does this mean we are ORANGE?"

Okay, for those of you who do not know the adoption lingo...being ORANGE is a good thing! This means that we have been granted authorization to have Kennedy DNA tested for the final time. This is our last step. Once the results from the DNA test are received, the Embassy will send us our PINK "slip" which will state when our appointment will be to bring Kennedy home!

So I am happy to be ORANGE, but can't wait to be PINK! I am hoping we will be in Guatemala by the second week in April! Please keep the prayers coming! God has been so good to us. We can't wait to get her home and we can't wait for all of you to meet this amazing little girl! As you can see from the photo of Kennedy and Mamma.....she will win you over!

Getting Closer!

We received awesome news today! Paco has both Kennedy's new birth certificate and passport! He will be applying for 2nd DNA authorization on Monday! So far so good! All we need now is for Kennedy to get the 2nd DNA test done and receive the results and then...PINK!

Another great email surprise....Gary uploaded more photos onto Kennedy's smug mug. He is awesome! The photo in this entry is of Kennedy and one of Gary & Elorra's little boys. (I can't tell, but I think it is Leo.) We'll keep you posted!

Out of PGN!

This evening on my way home from work my cell phone rang. It was Carol on the caller ID. "Hi, this is Jennie," I answered. "Hi, Jennie. This is Carol," she replied. "Hi, Carol. Do you have good news for me?" I asked. The words that change everything followed.... "You are out of PGN. Kennedy is legally yours!"

The rest of our call was brief. I couldn't really process anything else. Those words just kept echoing in my head. I carpool with my Aunt Trudy and her friend Sue. They both kind of knew what just happened, but wanted me to verify. "I can't," I said. "I promised Brit he would be the first one to find out!" I picked up the phone and called home. No answer. I called Mama's house. "Mama, is Brit there?" He got on the phone and I delivered the news. He then told Mama. It took an eternity to get home. I couldn't wait to give Brit a big celebratory hug! We then started calling and emailing EVERYBODY before going out to dinner and then to Cub Scouts.

The BIG question: WHEN CAN YOU GO GET HER? The answer, most likely between 4-6 weeks. She needs to get a new birth certificate and a 2nd DNA test and then we wait to hear when our Embassy appointment is scheduled for. We'll let you know as soon as we know!

Thank you all for your support, prayers, and friendship. We can't wait until you can all meet Kennedy Marguerite Seigler-Lewis! Believe me, she is even sweeter in person!

Mommy & Kennedy

Wow! Words cannot express how I felt when meeting my daughter for the very first time. As we exited the airport in Guatemala City, I searched the crowds for our ride. (There were at least 200 people lined up watching everyone as they came out of the airport for no other reason then just to catch a glimpse of an American or another foreign traveler.) As we reached the end of the red carpet-like line, I noticed one sign that read “Geene Louis”. Perhaps that is me. I positioned my grandmother out of the way with our luggage and made my way to the Guatemalan gentleman holding the sign. I searched the depths of my mind to find an memory of the two intensive Spanish courses from my college days. (Forgive me for all of the misspelled Spanish words you are about to read…..) “Hola. Me llamo Jennie Lewis. Para mi and mi abuelia?” “Si, si,” he replied.

We waited for him to bring the car around and load up our luggage. I still wasn’t convinced we were with the right person. Then he said something about stopping at the San Carlos Hotel first. I told him I didn’t know anything about that. Yikes, we are in the wrong car! He pulled out his cell phone and made a call. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but I knew he was getting confirmation about the San Carlos Hotel. He got off the phone, and the words he uttered made me feel like there were butterflies in my stomach, “We go to San Carlos Hotel first to get baby.” “How far away is that?” I asked. “Cinco minutos,” he replied. I looked at Mamma like a deer caught in the head lights. She sat there in the back seat with me, un-phased by everything. “Mamma, did you hear that?” “What?” she asked. We are picking up Kennedy first and we will be there in 5 minutes!” I exclaimed. We scrambled to get out our cameras and prepare for the BIG meeting.

We pulled into the parking lot of a beautiful boutique hotel. I walked quickly inside scanning the area for Kennedy. No one there had a baby. I found someone who spoke English and explained the situation. She told us to wait in the front room right by the hotel entrance. After a few minutes my attorney Paco and his wife Sylvia walked into the room. I noticed, there was no baby with them. My expression must have said it all. His wife, who was more fluent in English, told me Kennedy would be here in a few minutes. I hugged and kissed both of them and thanked them for arranging this for us. They sat down beside me and handed me a folder with adoption paper work inside. He went over a few things with me, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to pay any attention. Sylvia showed me a typed letter on legal size paper and in purple font describing Kennedy’s eating and sleeping schedule. At the very end of the letter is stated, “She is very sweet girl. LOVE HER VERY MUCH!”

Moments later they saw the foster mother pull into the parking lot. They went out to greet her and I jumped up and showed Mamma how to use the camera. As I turned around, there she was. My heart stopped. I immediately started to tear up. I walked over to her and reached for. She was placed in my arms and the tears began to roll down my face. Sylvia pointed out the little pink outfit she was wearing and the shoes she had on. They were items I had sent down for her. It was Valentine’s Day, and her shirt said LOVE. I started talking to her and in moments I had her smiling. What a relief….she is not terrified of me.

I just kept crying. “Thank you, thank you, thank you” is all I could say to the foster mother. She was moved by my emotion and also started to cry. I hugged her and Paco and Sylvia through the tears and just kept saying, “Thank you so much.” We took some quick photos and then left for Antigua where we would be staying for the next four days. There are no car seats, so I sat in the back and held Kennedy. I left Mamma hold her a little bit as I snapped some photos. I then took Kennedy back into my arms. The drive made her fall to sleep and I held her close to my chest with her head resting on my shoulder.

We arrived at the Villa de Antona boutique hotel and were greeted by the hotel staff. As we made our way into the lobby to check in, Kennedy was taken from me by a hotel staff person with a big smile and I would soon find out…a bigger heart. Her name was Veronica. I was a little annoyed because I wasn’t done holding her yet! After we checked in, they took us on a quick tour of the facility. We walked into the open court yard and there is where I met up with Kennedy again. There is also where we met Gary and Ellora, a couple adopting three babies! They invited us to join them for dinner and that is where our friendship began and also where Kennedy’s first professional photo shoot was held.

The days to follow were amazing. I loved Kennedy from first seeing her photos. I didn’t know she would make me fall head over heels. My heart has been filled with so much love, it is indescribable. One day it just hit me. As Mamma and I were sitting outside and she was holding Kennedy, I just started to cry. This was all part of God’s plan from the very beginning. In the six years we were trying to get pregnant, through all the tears that were shed, and all the prayers that were said, God had this amazing plan. They say a thousand things have to go just right in order to conceive…..with adoption, I think the number would be in the billions.

You will have to wait until I have enough courage to write about our last day in Antigua with Kennedy. Give me a few days, and I will plan on posting it over the weekend.

Hola! Greetings from Guatemala.

Our new friends Gary and Ellora have been wonderful and extremely helpful. They are adopting 3 beautiful babies. Gary is a professional photographer and took some amazing photos of Kennedy. He set up this special website for Kennedy's photo gallery. You can view all the photos from the link below and have them printed or order some if you like.I was in love with Kennedy from only seeing her picture, holding her and being with her has made me fall head over heels! I miss her already and I am watching her as I type. We will be home soon and hopefully back to pick up Kennedy forever in a few short months.

Our love to everybody!Jennie, Mamma, and Kennedy Marguerite

link: http://eandg.smugmug.com/gallery/4350513_cWwVk#255285908

Guatemala or Bust?

Well... so far Bust! Jennie and Mama are stuck in North Carolina for the evening. Bad weather in PA delayed thier flight at HIA and as a result they missed thier connector in Charolette. Jennie had a small meltdown when she learned about the missed flight but is doing better now. Fortunately, Mama was abe to save the day and get them an upgrade to FIRST CLASS on tomarrow's flight!! They will be arriving in Guatemala around 2:00 pm Thursday and have extended their stay an extra day.

Now for the good news, Paco got us back into PGN yesterday! Hopefully, we will be making another trip to Guatemala very soon to bring our little girl home.

~Briton

P.S. Did you really think Jennie could go 5 days without updating the blog? ~B

Hey, Heidi........Pictures!

This post is dedicated to my cousin, Heidi. She checks the blog every morning and tonight she told me it was time for an update. When I got home I checked my email and received photos of Kennedy. Perfect timing!

Wow, she looks so big! To my knowledge the most recent pictures (more at bottom of page) were taken around January 12, 2008. That was the date of Kennedy's last medical check up. Kennedy was a little over 3 months old at the time and she weighed in at a whopping 9 lbs.

Now for the adoption stuff. We were kicked out of PGN the end of January. Right now we are waiting for a certificate from the newly established Central Authority. Once we get it, we can get back into PGN. Please pray that it happens soon! I am optismitc that we can be back into PGN by February 18, 2008. Which would mean if all goes smoothly we could be out for good by March 30, 2008 and be picking up Kennedy by April 30, 2008. This is of course me "dreaming through rosey colored glasses"!

Now back to Heidi. We have a unique situation in our family. I am adopting and Heidi is pregnant (we are both first time Mommies). It has been so much fun for me. I get to experience the miracle of both adoption and pregnancy at the same time. Heidi gets ultrasound pictures and I get emailed pictures. The experience is so different, but yet so similar. I know this was part of God's plan. Heidi is also having a baby girl, Olivia. Our daughters will be in the same grade and go to the same school and ultimately share a special bond. Undoubtedly, our daughters will bring us and our family even closer together. The Kerstetter's haven't had a baby in the family since my brother.....and he is 24! What an amazing year 2008 will be!

Of course the wait is still difficult. I leave for Guatemala in 6 days. I feel like I did when getting married......excited and terrified at the same time! The wait is still tough. I wanted to share this story for you that was forwarded to me by another adopting mom....."Waiting can make our hearts bigger so that we can love deeper. Waiting can give us time to pray for our sweet children who are on the way. God can use the waiting time to mold us into the parents He needs us to be for the children He is sending our way."

Crib Pictures

The pictures say it all! When Lily couldn't provide poodle powered assistance, Brit called for back up.......his mother-in-law! The assembly took place on Saturday, January 12, 2008. Now we just need crib bedding and a chaning table. The quilt displayed on the crib was handmade for Kennedy as a Christmas Gift from Nana Seigler.

27 days and counting...

....until I meet Kennedy for the very first time!

My friends tell me that my entries have been real "tear jerkers" lately, so I will keep this one up beat and light hearted.

Mamma (pronounced Mam-maw, my grandmother) booked our flight today for Guatemala. Unfortunately we will not be staying in Guatemala City where the other adoptive mothers will be. We will be in Antigua which is 45 minutes away, but beautiful! I am disappointed I will not be able to meet them on this trip, but am looking forward to the "Mommy & Me Time" I will be spending with Kennedy. More good news...we extended our trip an extra day! We will now be flying back on 2/17/08 giving us an extra day with Kennedy! Brit and I are going shopping tomorrow to pick up items for Kennedy. She will have a suitcase all to herself!

I'll try to post pictures this weekend of Brit assembling the crib. I didn't think it was possible to love him any more. But when I see him doing "Daddy Work", I fall for him all over again. I just know the first time I see him holding Kennedy it will melt my heart.

All for now. I need to go brush up on my Spanish. Hasta luego!

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Last night, upon posting an email on the adoption list serve I subscribe to, I received a very special email reply. Within moments upon reading its contents, it would change everything. "What is Brit going to think? How do I bring it up?" These thoughts were racing through my mind when at 11:10 p.m. Brit phoned to say he was on his way home from work. I was watching my Sex and The City DVDs, but my mind was somewhere else. I told him to drive safely and hurry home.

Around midnight Brit walked through the door. He immediately noticed how happy I was. "Did we get new pictures of Kennedy?", he asked inquisitively. "NO," I smugly replied. "Then what's up?" he questioned. "Oh, nothing. I just got this invitation to fly down to Guatemala in February with some of the other adopting mothers."

At first, Brit's reaction made me cry...and not in a good way. As I tried to explain the details, he claimed to be concerned about the additional expense. He wasn't jumping up and down with joy like I had hoped. I got quiet, stopped talking, and started crying as he sat across the room and looked at me, and then the floor, then at me, and then the floor. "Are you upset?" he asked. "Well, I wasn't upset until you came home," I too honestly replied with half a smile. "I'm worried about you," he continued. "Are you going to be able to come home without her?" There it was...the BIG question. The only reason why I wasn't already down to visit Kennedy. Can I handle the good-bye? And for the first time, as I looked up at Brit, I knew I could. I knew with the support of the other mothers accompanying me and the support of Brit and my entire family, I could handle it. It wasn't going to be easy, but I could do it.

Round one went to Brit, but I wasn't going down without a fight. I decided it was time to start round two. "I can do it," I stated with confidence. I went on to explain the other benefits of the visit trip. "Kennedy needs to meet me. It will make her transition into our family easier for her. And the other mother tells me how much better it will be for me to know the ropes before going down for our pick up. We will both be able to enjoy the pick up trip together because I will already be familiar with the surroundings." I went on and on and on. Poor guy, he didn't stand a chance. "Is the real reason you are upset is because you won't be with me?" Before he replied, I already knew the answer. Within the next few minutes, I won him over. He leaned down to give me a kiss and said, "Okay, you can go." "That's great," I replied, "but I wasn't asking for your permission." "I know," he said while shaking his head in agreement, "but if I really didn't want you to go, you wouldn't. You will come back, won't you?" I replied the only way I knew how...with the shrug of my shoulders.

I was very excited, but something was missing. I knew what it was. The other women were taking their mothers along. I am a first time Mommy. I can read all the books in the world about parenting, but nothing can compare to having my Mamma (pronounced Mam-maw, my grandmother) with me. Mamma would be hard to persuade. My mom may have been easier, but she was going to on an annual trip to Florida. I would have to win Mamma over...and soon. That brings us to today.

Cub Scout Pack 161 held their annual Pine Wood Derby contest. I talked Brit and Mom into being judges. I talked Mamma into coming along too. We all went together. After it was over we were going to breakfast, but first, my Mom wanted to make a quick stop at the butcher shop. While she went inside, the rest of us waited in the car. "Mamma, its been a while since you have been on a trip hasn't it?" "Yep," she replied, "it's time to go somewhere." "Well, in that case, how would you like to go with me to see Kennedy in February?" How could she say no?

We are in the process of making travel plans for 2/13-2/16. I will miss Valentine's Day with my husband, but will be spending it with my daughter. Words cannot express the sheer joy that I am feeling.

Central Authority Established

Not to worry...Senator Casey's office has not been bombarded with telephone calls...yet. As I just looked at my last entry, I figured I am now on some government watch list. I might call next week if we still do not have our pre-approval. Today marks 38 days that we have been waiting. Just two months ago the wait was only 20 days. The typical length right now is 45 days. (That means next week should be our week!)

I received a wonderful email from Carol on Wednesday. The Central Authority (CA) has been created! In-process cases will be grandfathered into the old system. This is good news! Because CA is very new, there is still no word on the process for registering cases. However, this means that once we get kicked out of PGN, we can register with the CA and get back into PGN again (As soon as we have our pre-approval!) We officially entered PGN on 12/20/07. We can't re-enter PGN without our pre-approval. So please pray that the stars are aligned and we get our pre-approval within the same week we get kicked out of PGN so we can hurry up and get back into PGN again.

Brit and I are going to work on putting the crib together this weekend. Wish us luck! And thank you for your continued prayers for all families going through this process. Two of my adoption friends got word this month that they can go pick up their babies.

I get goose bumps just thinking about it! I keep daydreaming about the plane ride to Guatemala and meeting our daughter for the very first time. Wow! I might not stop crying for a month!

Adoption Bi-polar Disorder

In college I had the opportunity to take several psychology classes. (Hey, anyone with a degree in political science could benefit with a little psychology insight.) In my Introduction to Psychology course, one of our topics was bi-polar disorder. This is when a person suffers from extreme highs followed by extreme lows.

I received an email from Carol on Thursday in response to my request for clarification with PGN. Are we in PGN or are we on a list so PGN knows are adoption was in process before 12/31/07? Carol responded that yes, we were indeed in PGN and would be issued a PGN number and everything. (EXTREME HIGH) This is good news, but we already know we are going to get kicked out of PGN because we did not yet receive Pre-Approval from the embassy.

Thursday night I was checking my email and came across a disturbing post regarding Internet rumors that PGN was not processing any more cases unless they were already on the desk of the final signature. (EXTREME LOW)

My friend Deb called me to see how I was doing. I enjoy talking to her about the adoption and love hearing the insight she can provide from her own Guatemalan Adoption Journey. (EXTREME HIGH) Deb knows I have my heart set on bringing Kennedy home in April. As a friend, she needed to tell me to prepare myself in case that doesn't happen. She was devastated when her adoption was delayed and the month she thought she was bringing home her baby girl past by. I knew Deb was right, I couldn't keep focusing on April, I had to prepare myself for May, June, July....... (EXTREME LOW)

I have already been day dreaming of taking Kennedy to Myrtle Beach in June. What if that doesn't happen?!?!?!? (EXTREME LOW)

I went upstairs to Kennedy's room. I folded up the clothes I just washed for her and put them away so carefully. I picked up the angel snow globe Mamma gave us for Christmas in memory of Papa. I turned it over to wind the key and play the song. I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of Kennedy's room. I prayed, I cried, I prayed some more. "God, please help me. Why is this happening? It is not fair. Papa, please watch over baby Kennedy. Keep her safe and bring her home soon." I cried so hard my throat was hurting. I started screaming and pleading as I prayed. "What am I supposed to do? Tell me what to do! Is Kennedy my ultimate test in politics? Is this why I interned for Bobby Casey when he was Auditor General...to call him now that he is a US Senator and get his help? Was this in your plan, God, all along?" I stood up, took one last smell of Kennedy's freshly washed quilt that Nana Rhonda made for her. (I love the smell of dreft detergent. It just smells like baby.) I turned out the lights in Kennedy's room and retreated to my bed. "Yes," I thought, "that is what I am supposed to do. I will call Senator Casey tomorrow. He has to help me." (I feel at peace again.)

This morning I awoke feeling awful. I new it was my nerves. I went into work late. Before I left, I checked my email. There was another post. Basically I was told rumors were true. A credible adoption site posted that cases kicked out of PGN would be at a standstill until the Central Authority was up and running. (EXTREME LOW) Tears flowed and Brit tried to calm me down, but I knew he was feeling just as devastated. I pulled myself together and left for work. I called Brit while I was out getting lunch. He listened to me as I vented. "This is the first time I am actually pissed!" I yelled. "How dare they do this to us! I am calling Bobby Casey. I will have Mama make phone calls to. I have to do something." Brit reassured me. "Okay, we can do that. It's Friday, let's just wait until next week when we know there will be someone we can talk to at his office." (My husband... a man of reason.) "Okay," I said. "I am going through the dive-thru, I will call you back after I get my food."

As I drove to a spot by the river to park and have a peaceful lunch, my phone rang. It was Carol. I held my breath as I answered the phone. "Hi, Jennie. It's Carol, how are you?" "Pretty stressed right now, " I replied. "Is it because of what you've been reading on the Internet?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "Well, that is why I am calling." I pulled off the road. I knew right then and there if she had bad news, someone was going to have to come pick me up. I was going to be too upset to drive.

Carol explained that PGN was still processing cases. (EXTREME HIGH) But if your case gets kicked out (and we know ours will) it cannot be resubmitted to PGN until after it is registered with the Central Authority (which hasn't been created yet). (EXTREME LOW) But, the Central Authority could be up and running within 10 days. (EXTREME HIGH) There is a meeting tonight where Carol and others will be advocating that PGN keeps processing cases, even if the Central Authority is not yet up and running. She should have more news on Monday.

I have now diagnosed myself with Adoption Bi-Polar Disorder. Can anyone blame me?

Happy New Year!

As 2007 was winding down, I found myself very excited for 2008! In previous years, there was always something holding me back from truly celebrating the New Year. Deep down, I knew what it was...but I never shared it with anyone. In my heart I was always a little sad. "Another year without being any closer to a baby," is what would always go through my mind. I would start doing the math and know that no baby would be coming with us to the beach in June either. Those were always the two toughest times of the year for me........Christmas and our annual vacation to Myrtle Beach in June. "Maybe next year," I would tell myself.

As Brit, my grandmother, and I sat and watched the ball dropped in Times Square, tears started to build. As soon as Brit leaned over to give me the "Happy New Year Kiss"....the tears were streaming. We opened a bottle of champagne and toasted in the New Year and Kennedy. This is the year we have waited for. This is the year our dreams come true. This is the year we bring our baby home.

May God bless all of us in 2008 and I pray he brings Kennedy home quickly and safe.