Mommy's Little Girl

Today would have been my Papa's seventy-fourth birthday. We lost him to Parkinson's Disease almost three years ago. I truly believe that Papa has been beside me every step of our adoption process. When I need it, I call upon him for strength. I ask him to look over Kennedy and be her guardian angel. Perhaps it was Papa's birthday today that inspired me to to write a poem for Kennedy, "Mommy's Little Girl".

Mommy’s little girl was alive in Mommy’s heart long before baby’s first breath.
Mommy prayed for her for so long;
starting a journal seven years before she was born.

She already knew what her name would be,
Kennedy Marguerite, Mommy whispered with glee.

Mommy just knew she would have a little girl.
“I’ll teach her to shoot hoops and a baton to twirl!”

Mommy imagined what she would look like. “I hope she has my dark hair and dark eyes.
I hope she has olive skin like mine.”

Yes, Mommy knew someday Kennedy Marguerite
would make our loving family complete.

As the days turned into months, and the months turned into years,
Mommy kept praying for Kennedy through all the tears.

Some days were more difficult for Mommy.
She would talk to Daddy and he would reassure her calmly.

Mommy kept wondering, “Can we adopt?”
But before she would say it out loud, something would always make her stop.

“What if adoption wasn’t the option? Then what would we do?”

Mommy prayed to God for guidance. Then one day Mommy was at Grammy’s pool
and Mamma was there too.

Mamma told Mommy a wonderful story
about the Maneval’s, Guatemala, and Lorrie.

Mamma said, “Give Lorrie a call.”
And Mommy thought, “Could this be the path to our baby after all?”

It was at that moment Mommy realized
this was the sign. It took her by surprise.

So later that night, Mommy talked to Daddy,
and we were both so very ecstatically happy!

Mommy called Lorrie the very next day.
But for one week Lorrie had to put our meeting on delay.

As more and more anticipation was built,
our hearts, with joy, were over filled.

When the day arrived, Mommy held Daddy’s hand
as Lorrie explained the adoption plan.

As tears streamed down Mommy’s face,
Lorrie uttered the words that would change our life’s pace.

“It is all possible,” Lorrie repeated.
And for the very first time, Mommy truly believed it.

The Bad News and The Good News

First the Bad News.....Kennedy has not yet been DNA tested. The Good News....it will be done on Wednesday. The Better News.....the social worker interview will be done on the same day. (This is part of the process before we can get Pre-Approval, so at least we will not have to wait for that to take place!) The Even Better News....Carol told me "all the kids" went to the Doctor on Friday or Saturday and I will get updated medical information and PICTURES soon!

Now I don't know what is meant by "All the kids". Is it everyone in the same foster home as Kennedy? Is it everyone who has Paco as their attorney? Or is it everyone who is with our agency? I'll see what I can find out!

Mom and I went shopping after work and I bought two new outfits for Kennedy! I promise I will take pictures of her next care package soon!

Keep the prayers coming!

Picture Time!

We received photos and a medical update! The photos were taken on 11/16/07, Kennedy is 7 weeks and two days old in these photos. Today, she is one day shy of being 8 weeks old. Her weight at her medical appointment on 11/16/07 was 7 lbs. 6 oz. She looks so big in the pictures with her full cheeks, but she is still a little squirt! Her length was 52.3 cms. (Don't ask me to convert that to inches!) I can't believe the change in appearance from the photos that were taken three weeks ago! She takes my breath away! More photos are posted at the bottom of the page.

DNA Authorization!

We have DNA authorization! Carol sent me an email late last night, I didn't receive it until this morning. Our attorney in Guatemala was finally able to get DNA authorization. As a matter of fact, Kennedy and her birth mother should have the DNA test done tomorrow. This is part of the process to confirm that she is indeed the biological birth mother. Once we have the test results, we can move forward from the stagnant position we are currently in. I prayed so hard for this last night as I was going to bed. Little did I know that God had already answered my prayers. Carol also said she should have updated medical records and photos for us today! We have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

When?

I heard other adoptive mothers talk about the difficult "wait". Technically, I have only been waiting for Kennedy for six weeks. But when I really think about it, I have been waiting for her my entire married life. Over the years the prayers have changed, but even now they still share a common theme...when? The questions I ask God always begin with "when". When will the call come that we can go get her? When will I hold her for the very first time? When will I be able to bring her home? When will I be able to introduce her to her anxious family?

When we were trying to conceive I would pray to God for a sign. "I can wait", I told him. "It doesn't have to be this month. Just send me a sign that it will happen some day." As I reflect back on those tear filled prayers, I can't help but think that God already had me in training. He was trying to teach me patience, because he knew "this wait" would be the hardest. If there was only a date to circle on the calendar. When you are pregnant, you have a date. When you adopt, you have a wait.

In many ways this process has been very fast for us. We knew about Kennedy two months before we originally thought we would receive a referral. The process has slowed for us slightly. I spoke with Carol on Wednesday evening. She thought Paco (our Attorney in Guatemala) would have DNA authorization this week. I have not heard back from her to confirm. She also thought we would get a medical update and more pictures.

One thing that helps with the wait, is getting ready for Kennedy. Tonight I am washing clothes (sizes 3-6 months) to send to her in the next care package. As I've said before, laundry has never been so fun! I will post pictures of her new outfits soon. And hopefully, new pictures of Kennedy will be posted soon too!

What's in a name?

Kennedy Marguerite Seigler-Lewis. What does her name mean? I can't tell you what it means, but I can tell you how it came to be. Ever since I was a senior in high school, I knew this would be my daughter's name (except for the Lewis part!). Yes, she is named after one of the greatest Presidents in American History. But actually, I heard the name Kennedy on an old NBC sitcom, Blossom. In one of the last seasons of the television series, Kennedy was the little girl whose mother married Blossom's dad. (Isn't it bizarre how you remember these things?) Since that time, I have become aware of two other little girls who also have the name Kennedy.

Marguerite is the name of my grandmother. I could write an entire book about her. It was difficult for most people to pronounce her name, let alone spell it, but I always thought it was unique. I wanted Kennedy to have a family name. I was always proud to be named Jennie Elizabeth after my great-grandmother. I know Kennedy will be proud to be named after her great-grandmother.

Seigler-Lewis. It never occurred to me to take my husband's name. It just never made any sense. Why should I give up my identity? I do not frown upon women who take their husband's last name. It is their choice. Just like it is my choice to keep my last name. This was my line of thinking even before I ever met Briton. One of the things that attracted me to him most was the way he embraced (and even shared some of) my feminist qualities. After we were engaged, I brought up the "name". "If you want me to hyphenate my last name, I will. But only if you hyphenate yours." His response, "I don't want to change my name and I don't want you to change yours." Are we perfect for each other or what? This is hard for some people to understand. "Why don't you want to take his last name? I loved my husband enough to take his. " These are the criticisms I get (even from my own family) after 6 years of marriage. I have decided that they will never get it. You see, it is not about my husband. The name is about me. It is about who I am. My husband knows my love for him is endless and unconditional. He doesn't need me to change my name to prove it. Why would we give our daughter just the last name of Seigler or Lewis? "But it is so long," is one of the favorite rationals for only giving her one last name. My response: It is only 12 letters. My mother's maiden name was 10 letters long. I don't see the problem. Kennedy will be raised to be an independent thinker. If she chooses to go by only one last name, that will be her choice. Do you see a theme here? Women....being able to make choices. So, for the very last time, her name chosen by her father and I is Kennedy Marguerite Seigler-Lewis.

More Paperwork

Yesterday Carol called to inquire about our DNA Affidavit. She did not have one in our file. She emailed it to me later that day. She also received word from our attorney in Guatemala that I should revise my Name Affidavit to include Lewis, even though Lewis has never been my legal name. I am happy to do anything to expedite the process! Brit is taking the documents today to be notarized and will mail them so they arrive to Carol in California on Monday. Hopefully Kennedy will be DNA tested within the next two weeks. Once that occurs the ball really starts rolling for us!

Our Video of Kennedy

Our very first video of Kennedy arrived in the mail today. I was making a toasted cheese sandwich for Brit when he went out to the mailbox. He came into the house and yelled "Turn it off!" I knew that meant the video had arrived. He could not open it fast enough. As he was placing the video in the VCR, my eyes began to fill with tears. I wanted to stand right in front of the television so I could take in every tiny detail. However, Brit standing so close to me makes Lily bark and that was extremely distracting, so we both sat down beside each other to watch and listen to Kennedy. I cried the entire time.

This is my version of an ultrasound video. You can see your baby and still not be able to hold her. At that moment, nothing else in the world seemed to matter. In front of me was the baby I have prayed for. "This is really her," I kept telling myself. I could picture her home with us and within seconds I could imagine her as a toddler, her first day of school, and her college graduation. Knowing that I have a lifetime to spend with her makes the wait tolerable.

I never imagined feeling this overwhelming and intense love for someone I have never even met. It is truly indescribable. I just keep picturing the day when I get to hold her in my arms. I cannot thank Carol enough for taking this video for us. During her visit trips to Guatemala, she takes the time to visit her waiting children in their foster homes. The experience is priceless and I will be forever grateful to her. She was talking to Kennedy in the video and said, "Say hola to mommy. Say hola to poppy." I will dream tonight of someday hearing those words come out of Kennedy's mouth.