Adoption Bi-polar Disorder

In college I had the opportunity to take several psychology classes. (Hey, anyone with a degree in political science could benefit with a little psychology insight.) In my Introduction to Psychology course, one of our topics was bi-polar disorder. This is when a person suffers from extreme highs followed by extreme lows.

I received an email from Carol on Thursday in response to my request for clarification with PGN. Are we in PGN or are we on a list so PGN knows are adoption was in process before 12/31/07? Carol responded that yes, we were indeed in PGN and would be issued a PGN number and everything. (EXTREME HIGH) This is good news, but we already know we are going to get kicked out of PGN because we did not yet receive Pre-Approval from the embassy.

Thursday night I was checking my email and came across a disturbing post regarding Internet rumors that PGN was not processing any more cases unless they were already on the desk of the final signature. (EXTREME LOW)

My friend Deb called me to see how I was doing. I enjoy talking to her about the adoption and love hearing the insight she can provide from her own Guatemalan Adoption Journey. (EXTREME HIGH) Deb knows I have my heart set on bringing Kennedy home in April. As a friend, she needed to tell me to prepare myself in case that doesn't happen. She was devastated when her adoption was delayed and the month she thought she was bringing home her baby girl past by. I knew Deb was right, I couldn't keep focusing on April, I had to prepare myself for May, June, July....... (EXTREME LOW)

I have already been day dreaming of taking Kennedy to Myrtle Beach in June. What if that doesn't happen?!?!?!? (EXTREME LOW)

I went upstairs to Kennedy's room. I folded up the clothes I just washed for her and put them away so carefully. I picked up the angel snow globe Mamma gave us for Christmas in memory of Papa. I turned it over to wind the key and play the song. I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of Kennedy's room. I prayed, I cried, I prayed some more. "God, please help me. Why is this happening? It is not fair. Papa, please watch over baby Kennedy. Keep her safe and bring her home soon." I cried so hard my throat was hurting. I started screaming and pleading as I prayed. "What am I supposed to do? Tell me what to do! Is Kennedy my ultimate test in politics? Is this why I interned for Bobby Casey when he was Auditor General...to call him now that he is a US Senator and get his help? Was this in your plan, God, all along?" I stood up, took one last smell of Kennedy's freshly washed quilt that Nana Rhonda made for her. (I love the smell of dreft detergent. It just smells like baby.) I turned out the lights in Kennedy's room and retreated to my bed. "Yes," I thought, "that is what I am supposed to do. I will call Senator Casey tomorrow. He has to help me." (I feel at peace again.)

This morning I awoke feeling awful. I new it was my nerves. I went into work late. Before I left, I checked my email. There was another post. Basically I was told rumors were true. A credible adoption site posted that cases kicked out of PGN would be at a standstill until the Central Authority was up and running. (EXTREME LOW) Tears flowed and Brit tried to calm me down, but I knew he was feeling just as devastated. I pulled myself together and left for work. I called Brit while I was out getting lunch. He listened to me as I vented. "This is the first time I am actually pissed!" I yelled. "How dare they do this to us! I am calling Bobby Casey. I will have Mama make phone calls to. I have to do something." Brit reassured me. "Okay, we can do that. It's Friday, let's just wait until next week when we know there will be someone we can talk to at his office." (My husband... a man of reason.) "Okay," I said. "I am going through the dive-thru, I will call you back after I get my food."

As I drove to a spot by the river to park and have a peaceful lunch, my phone rang. It was Carol. I held my breath as I answered the phone. "Hi, Jennie. It's Carol, how are you?" "Pretty stressed right now, " I replied. "Is it because of what you've been reading on the Internet?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "Well, that is why I am calling." I pulled off the road. I knew right then and there if she had bad news, someone was going to have to come pick me up. I was going to be too upset to drive.

Carol explained that PGN was still processing cases. (EXTREME HIGH) But if your case gets kicked out (and we know ours will) it cannot be resubmitted to PGN until after it is registered with the Central Authority (which hasn't been created yet). (EXTREME LOW) But, the Central Authority could be up and running within 10 days. (EXTREME HIGH) There is a meeting tonight where Carol and others will be advocating that PGN keeps processing cases, even if the Central Authority is not yet up and running. She should have more news on Monday.

I have now diagnosed myself with Adoption Bi-Polar Disorder. Can anyone blame me?